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April 28th, 2005
Stars
By Eddie Phanichkul
Marin took a sip of her iced caramel cappuccino and peered into her computer screen. She really should be working she thought, but it was a Friday, after all, and there wasn’t much to be done. Well, much to be done, but so little time to do it, so why not wait until Monday?
Taurus. The universe is expanding, and so are you. All of a sudden all things are possible. Watch out for where you’re going, you might just find what you’re looking for.
She thought to herself that this seemed quite accurate and even considered herself a novice astrologer. She stood up and stretched. Her petite figure and creamy light skin had caught the eyes of passer bys who looked into the large pane glass to see her sitting at her desk. Dark hair, she thought, was the most attractive hair color for women. She loved her hair, yet hated it at the same time. Before, she could never decide if she wanted it up or down, so she cut it short and she only needs to decide whether or not to brush it now.
She sat slouched over the computer reading the tidbits of information downloaded from the Internet and every now and then straightening herself to keep from slouching. Every few passing moments she sighed, switching from astrology to eBay and then checking her email, hoping someone would mail her something funny or interesting.
Three more minutes passed and Marin stared intently at the clock. Why is the day dragging on by so slowly? She thought that it was Friday and she was working for the weekend, like that Loverboy song, or was it Foreigner? She could not recall so she Googled it on the Internet. Loverboy—she was correct. That sliver of satisfaction of 80s music trivia delighted her.
The phone rang.
“Gillikin Real Estate,” she answered, “oh no, not today. Goodbye.” It was quite the mundane job; something to get by while she attended college to further her studies in—she hadn’t quite figured it out yet. In fact, she had recently dropped her classes again. Every few semesters she found herself doing just that, tiring of classes and becoming increasingly procrastinating toward her school work. It’s okay, she thought, she’d go back next semester.
As the clock struck five o’clock, she had already pushed all her papers from the in to the out pile and re-organized her desk for work on Monday. She was definitely ready for the weekend she thought. And as she exited the small office building located inside a tiny strip mall, she turned off all the lights and locked the doors. It was her responsibility and she took pride in that.
Later, she drove to the bookstore where she met an old friend, Kathy Crawford. Kathy was a prissy girl. Always into her looks and wearing the most fashionable clothing and a matching leather Juicy bag. She, as a matter of fact, had a matching Juicy bag for every outfit she owned, which was vast indeed. Today was no different. She wore a dark blouse, lined in pink, and a jean skirt. Her Juicy bag was black leather with pink stars scattered across
“Marin, darling!” cried Kathy, as if she’d not seen her for weeks, but in fact they saw each other a few days prior.
“Hey Kathy.”
“So what are we going to be looking for today? More astrology books or more relationship self-help books?” Kathy was kidding, but not. Marin had been in a quandary and struggling with relationships. And even though her last relationship had ended six months earlier, she was still sure she needed help, so she read books on the matter frequently.
“The usual,” Marin replied. They walk to the love and relationships section, which was filled with young women in their early 20s just like them—well maybe not quite exactly like them. Marin picked up a random book from the shelf and started thumbing through the pages. She reached in her pocket to pull out a pair of glasses.
“Cute glasses!” Kathy said.
“You’ve seen these before.”
“Yes, but you hardly wear them,” Kathy snapped back in a jocular fashion, “and they even match your clothes.”
The glasses were dark red rimmed, slightly tapered at the top corners—slightly fashionable and slightly in need of new lenses. She hadn’t gotten a new prescription in years. They matched Marin’s dark red tank top and ruby red pumps.
“Look here, it says a man needs to be kept in check of his feelings and attachment,” Marin quoted.
“That’s obvious.”
“Maybe guys are just always insecure?”
“Maybe guys are all just dumb,” Kathy quipped. It was clear that both have had relationships gone awry and weren’t in a hurry to find Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now. Perhaps Marin was looking for something in between, but Kathy sure wasn’t.
“Where is that new book, the one where a relationship is like a pizza?” Marin started hunting the isles and rows of books.
“I think it comes in tomorrow,” Kathy said, picking up another obscure romance self-help title.
Turning the corner with the book in her hand Marin ran into a gentleman. His nose had been buried in a book about science and he had a nerdy, yet geeky, yet handsome quality about him. He wasn’t tall, just average. His build was average too, but not too terribly skinny. Quite cute she thought to herself, especially in those glasses.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“No, no, my fault! I’m a geek, I shouldn’t be walking and reading at the same time.” He replied, smiled at her and then walked on. The self-proclaimed geek made Marin grin with embarrassment. He had almost read her mind. He too found her attractive with those dark rimed glasses and sweet demeanor. A few seconds later they both went in opposite directions and he would just be a flirtatious passing memory, though not even two complete sentences were spoken.
The night moved forward and when the hour of nine drew near, Kathy and Marin drove home to get ready for the night’s events. There at the two-bedroom condo shared by Marin and her mother Johanna, they dressed themselves in swank attire and fine shoes, hoping to draw the attention of men around them at the club and perhaps score free drinks. It wasn’t completely their intention to scam drinks off of willing men, but they didn’t have a whole lot of money and if guys wanted to buy them drinks, they weren’t going to refuse them she thought. They walked out of Marin’s home to a star-filled sky. It was clear and the moon was waning, and the night was just beginning.
Within the hour they were clubbing and by the night’s end, Kathy had found a guy to occupy her time, if only for the night. Marin took a cab home.
The next morning Marin awoke, suspecting she had too much to drink. She walked out to her kitchen and saw her mother cooking breakfast.
“Late night, huh?” Johanna asked her daughter, “is that a hickey on your neck?” Marin looked down not noticing anything and then looked into an ornamental mirror that hung by the kitchen.
“Oh, God!” she proclaimed. She had not remembered about kissing anyone, but then she racked her brain. She had run into a cute guy that night she believed to be a friend of Kathy’s suitor. She had no intention of sleeping with him, or kissing him, but she supposed he kissed her. How dare he take advantage of her she thought? “It’s nothing mom. Nothing happened.”
Her mother believed her, but still decided to lecture her. After all, good mothers always lecture their daughters.
Marin walked outside to fetch the day’s mail and ran into her next-door neighbor Carl. A rude and crude man, but she found solace and comfort in his blunt tone and often laughed at his character. She liked Carl for his sharpness, though sharp wouldn’t be the first thought that would cross your mind should anyone ever meet Carl.
“You get laid last night or what? I saw you stumble out of a cab at 3 AM,” Carl said as he peered over a short wall that separated their condos.
“No, Carl, I didn’t get laid,” replied Marin with a half smirk on her face, “What were you doing up so late?”
“I was working late and researching for a novel I’m working on,” Carl said. There was a slight pause. “Just kidding, I was downloading porn.” That was a more acceptable answer—as raunchy and disgusting as it sounded.
“Nice seeing you, Carl.”
“You too. See you soon.”
The bookstore held a kind of nice aura for Marin. She liked being in any place surrounded by books; bookstores or libraries. She enjoyed the bookstores because of all the newest books on display. She loved reading every single back cover and thumbing through the pages of the books and smelling the scent of the new book. If there were a car fragrance new car scent, why wasn’t there a new book scent she thought quietly?
No luck, she could still not find her book at the bookstore. She finally gave in and decided to ask someone. She walked up to the counter and there he was. William. A plain white nametag with a labeled sticker with the name William on it, accompanied by a gold star on the top right corner—similar to the merit stars kids get in the second grade. It was the gentleman she ran into earlier yesterday, the cute, geeky guy she smiled at.
“So you work here?” she questioned.
“Yes, do you?” he replied, “I just started a week ago.”
“No, I don’t work here.”
“Just a patron too, eh? I come here so much I decided I’d just start working here. Good discount on books too,” he said, “Funny, I’ve never seen you around until yesterday.” William thought maybe because he kept his face buried so often in science and music books was the reason he hadn’t ever noticed her. “So can I help you with something?”
“Yes, there’s this book,” Marin caught herself and became embarrassed about the book in question. The title was stupid, the theme was relationships, and what would he think of her? Ultimately she spit out the words, “Pizza, relationship. That book. Got it?”
“You’re looking for a book on pizza and relationships?”
“Something like that.”
“What does a pretty girl like you need with a book on pizza?” he flirted.
The compliment made Marin melt inside. It had been awhile since she received this sort of attention. Usually it’s guys trying to pick up on her spitting game. Somehow William was different, it seemed more than flirtation, but it could be nothing more than that she thought. She thought about the night before and how easily susceptible she was to certain men—guys with sweet smiles and cute butts. Personality was supposed to be her priority, but alcohol made her forget that. She secretly winced inside at the thought of last night. Sure nothing happened, but something might have had she not left when she did.
“You know, I just like to read stuff like that. It’s not that I have problems with relationships—I mean sometimes I do, but who doesn’t?” She was digging herself into a hole. Damn! Why couldn’t she just find the book? Maybe if she’d found it and read it she wouldn’t be blurting out random thoughts.
“Right,” William said dryly as he typed into his computer terminal, “I think I know what you’re looking for, let me get it for you.” He walked off and in a single minute he returned with the title in question: Relationships Are Like Pizza Pies. “Is this it?”
Reiterating the title in her mind had made her think about buying such an outlandish book. “Yeah, but I don’t think I want it anymore. Thank you.” She began to walk off.
“Wait!” William said as he bit his lip.
“Yes?” She turned back to look at him.
William tossed the book over his shoulder and it landed on the floor behind the register. “So you seeing anyone, want to go out sometime?”
Shocked at his proposal, yet pleased by this opportunity she thought about her horoscope and how it said she would be expanding. Maybe in friendship, she thought. Friendship was a rare commodity now-a-days for her. She wanted someone to be her best friend and she wanted a man to be that friend to her. Who knows what could blossom from such a mutual bond. “Sure,” she replied as a matter of factly.
William was quite stunned. He had never once asked a woman out on whim in that manner before. He had always been the nice guy, waiting for the right opportune moments and usually carefully planned his strategy. He was a thinker. He was, however, pleased his spur of the moment, capriciousness had paid off. “How about tomorrow?”
“No, not tomorrow. How about next week?”
“Next week it is. Meet here?”
“Okay. Wednesday? I get off at 5 PM, so I can be here by 5:30.”
“Sounds good.”
With a huge grin, and no telephone numbers exchanged William was satisfied with the transaction with Marin. She walked on and then out the front entrance of the store. William looked at her through the window as she looked back. He was still grinning. Then he realized he had never caught her name. What a dork he’d been!
It was Monday again and life was still moving forward. The days seemed to come and go so soon, while the hours at work seemed so dreadfully long to Marin. At her desk she began Googling different terms. Her name “Marin Kyle,” returned numerous results, but it was some professor of English on the east coast. She started to eBay. She was sort of broke, so this was a kind of high tech window-shopping she had grown accustomed to while at work. Some might ask if she ever really worked at all, but she knew she did. She faxed papers, answered the phone, looked up listings for agents and even helped post a listing before. Sure this job was mundane, but she did take pride in her work because she earned a paycheck, no matter how meager it was.
Taurus. Perhaps it’s time to try something new with your career. This month is the perfect opportunity to seize that promotion or start something new.
She read the passage on the astrology website and the phone rang. It was her father.
“Marin?”
“Dad?”
“Hey, I’ve got great news. I just got a promotion up here. Still thinking about colleges?”
“Wow, congratulations, Dad!” She proclaimed and then confusion befell her, “Dad, this is so unexpected, what are you asking me?”
“Remember you always talked about how great it would be to live in the Bay Area? Well with this new promotion I can pay for your school, if you still want to go to school up here.”
She thought about it. It was too much of a coincidence. “San Diego is my home now. I want to stay in school here,” she said and she paused, “I’ll think about it okay?”
San Diego was her home. She had never thought about moving away, except for college, but she always knew she’d return. Her father would always try and convince her to move up to San Francisco to be closer to him, and had gotten the notion in his head that it was her idea to move up to go to college there, though she never specified a school. Dads are weird she thought, especially hers. Her mother and father had divorced several years earlier but had remained friends. How many parents survive as friends after divorce? He used to visit once a month when she was in high school, and then the time between visits became longer, although the phone calls were steady. Who knows what Dad’s up to, why this unexpected plan to pay for her college up there? Maybe he missed her. She sure missed him.
Wednesday was finally here and she had checked her email for the last and final time before locking up the door to the office. She walked to her car and drove to the bookstore where she found William sitting in an isle reading a book on string theory.
“Are you some sort of science major?” she said as she snuck up behind him.
He jumped, “You startled me. No I just like science stuff—among many other things.” He added ‘many other things’ so he wouldn’t appear as a total, clueless, virgin nerd—because he wasn’t a virgin, maybe slightly clueless. “I never caught your name.”
“Marin,” she said and held out her hand.
“William. You can call me Will though, if you prefer,” he said as he reached to grab her fingers and shake her hand elegantly.
“That’s gay, I hate when guys do that,” she recoiled.
“What?”
“Don’t shake my hand that way.”
“Okay fine, let’s start over.”
“Marin,” she said and held out her hand again.
“William,” he said and reached out to give her a tight, firm grip.
“No, no, not like that. Let me show you. When you shake a woman’s hand, give her a handshake like she’s human, not the incredible hulk.”
“Is this something you got from one of your relationship books?” he shot back.
Marin wasn’t offended, but she wondered why he’d assume she had read many relationship books. Was it that obvious she was an introvert living day-to-day hoping to make her relationships better?
“The first day I ran into you, your nose was in a book about romance on the first date, and the second day we saw each other you were looking for a book about romance and pizza,” he said.
“Relationships,” she smiled and then giggled.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said to her and then smiled, “Like sushi?”
“Who doesn’t?”
They settled for a small sushi bar in the city and she ate her sushi with plenty of soy and wasabe. William, however, preferred his concoction of soy and sugar sauce. It was strange, Marin thought, but who was she to judge. Their conversation continued into the early evening and soon it was time for her to go home, but she had enjoyed William’s company and she gave him a great big hug as she pulled his body closer to hers. She waved goodbye as she got in her car and drove off.
The next day was just like any other day, except she saw William again that night.
“What, were you sheltered as a kid?” Will asked.
“Yes, I was sheltered. My mother never thought to take me to dive bars when I was 12. How dare she shelter me like that?” she sarcastically replied.
“Then that’s where we shall go this evening. I know a great little place,” he said assuredly.
They sat at the bar, on green stools and quipped with the bartender about drinks. She ordered, and then he ordered. The atmosphere was something she wasn’t used to at all. It wasn’t too dark, wasn’t too bright and everyone seemed to have a lot of fun. No one was trying to pick up on anyone and the mood of the establishment was jolly. There were also drunk old men singing karaoke in the background. This place suited her fine and she thanked William for exposing her to such a venue. This night was another great night she thought. She had found a new friend and she was quite content and confident with her life in San Diego, for once in her life.
Weeks passed and she began to see William on certain nights of the week, going to different bars, bookstores and coffee shops. He had also taken her to Sunset Cliffs to stand on the edge of the cliff and watch the sunset. She grabbed his arm and he smiled. William talked about all the things he’d seen and places he’s traveled to. He was adventurous and fun. Marin hadn’t ever even learned to swim. They had yet to kiss, but she was happy with the pace of their friendship. William, however seemed to begin to want more, but was happy that she was content and neither complained, nor fussed when she refused his proposal to be more than friends. Oh what an adventure it would be to be with someone like William she thought. An adventure is something she hadn’t ever had. She had always settled for stability and settled for the empty silences of settling. But she wasn’t ready for an adventure. Adventures are for soldiers and sailors and the likes of Indiana Jones—and she wasn’t remotely close to being as cool Indiana Jones. The mediocrity of going to clubs every now and then and drinking heavily would be her only vice and release. The future was a scary place for her and she would keep her guard up, at least for now.
Another manic Monday came upon Marin. She had not seen Kathy in over a week because she had been spending so much time with William. It was unusually busy today and she decided she’d better not do any window-shopping and focus on her work. This was the day that Kathy and her would go shopping and talk girl-to-girl about the new man in Kathy’s life and other news Kathy failed to mention.
Marin entered a small Italian bistro and saw Kathy sitting at a table silent, but smiling. Marin sat next to her and without hesitation Kathy said, “I’m moving to San Francisco!”
“What?” Marin exclaimed.
“I got accepted into SFSU and I’m going to start in the fall.”
“That’s strange because my Dad called a few weeks ago and offered to pay for my tuition if I wanted to move up there with him.”
“That’s great! Are you going to?” Kathy asked.
“I don’t know yet. I told him I’d think about it.”
“What’s to think about? You have a crumby job here and you dropped out of school so many times, I think moving up to the Bay Area would be good for you.”
“But I love it here. This is where our family and friends are. This is where we grew up and where we know of all the spots to drink for free. What about your new boyfriend?”
“What about him? I’ll just break up with him. There are plenty of other guys out there,” Kathy said. Kathy was a bitter soul, used and abused by men. She didn’t care about anyone but herself, and perhaps Marin. The speech had left Marin a little distressed and confused. Her job was mundane and she wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe moving would give her the kick in the ass she needed to jumpstart her life she thought. Maybe she would do this, or try this for a few months and maybe it would do her good in her life. She was conflicted more now than ever and she felt weak, though optimistic at a fresh start. Would this be a kind of adventure for her to live out? Her first real adventure? It didn’t even involve open water, she was set to go.
Marin’s mom sat on the couch as Marin decided to tell her the news.
“That’s wonderful, Marin,” Johanna said, “Your Dad will love to have you up there I’m sure. And you can finally go back to school—I’m sure he’ll help you with rent and gas money—more than I could do for you here. You’re twenty-four now. You’ve got to be on your own, but if your Dad’s willing to help you out longer, I won’t stop him.”
Her mother was taking this extremely well. The thought then crossed her mind that her parents had already talked this over and were currently trying to convince her to get out of the house and make something of herself. That’s love, she thought. And she knew it was true, she was happy in San Diego, but she was going nowhere.
It was Friday again. She had mulled over her move for weeks now, and it was just a matter of time before she thought she’d go and do it. She gave her two-weeks notice and relinquished her position as a receptionist. If she could move up to the Bay Area now, she could start the summer session at Bay Area Community College. Kathy would be up there in a month, so she wouldn’t be alone and she’d already made friends up there visiting her father on numerous occasions. The move sounded more and more feasible by the day. And thus day turned into night and she found herself on her home computer.
Taurus. An unexpected turn of events has you worried, but life finds a way to make things right. You’re down to earth and you’ll make it anyway you can. Don’t forget those who mean the most to you this weekend.
She read that and knew perhaps this was going to be good after all, and for the first time in a long while she was optimistic about her future. She paced around thinking about what her next move would be and she looked out her window and up at the stars and started to silently count them. Suddenly, Marin decided she would not spend her life counting stars and wishing on them, so she stopped counting and just gazed at a few of the brightest stars and sighed. She didn’t go out that night, nor did she call William. Instead she curled up with a good fiction and fell asleep with her glasses on.
The next morning she called William.
“It’s settled. I’m moving to San Francisco,” Marin said assuredly.
“What? When did this happen?” William said shocked and confused.
“Remember I said my Dad wanted me to move? Well I decided.”
“So unexpectedly.”
“Relax, I won’t be gone for long. Maybe just the summer, or until I finish school.”
“How can I relax, this is terrible news,” he said, “at least to me it’s terrible.”
“It’s not terrible, Will, it’s optimistic,” she said trying to reassure him.
He was speechless, but this was the first time he’d notice her so cheerfully pragmatic about anything. There was nothing for him to say. How could he say anything? They barely knew each other, but they’ve shared such great moments and he felt they connected on a deeper level—maybe he just made it up in his mind and such things didn’t exist. It felt like his heart ripped out of its place and he wanted to cry. He found a new best friend and had lost her in a singular moment of conversation.
“I’ll be back,” she continued, “I promise.” She knew that couldn’t make his pain go away. It was time for her to move on. She hadn’t ever wanted to hurt anyone, especially William. They both hung up the phone.
Walking out the door she realized it was a new day. She had looked up at the sky to see a deep blue color and white fluffy cotton balls in the sky. She had never cared for clouds before. She was never really a romantic person, just honest and real. But today was a little different. After giving her two-weeks notice and speaking to everyone that mattered in her life about her move, she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. She was excited. Perhaps she had a romantic side after all.
A raspy voice came from beyond the wall, “So I hear you’re moving.” It was Carl. “Good shit. It’s about time you get the hell outta your mom’s place.”
“I’m moving to my Dad’s actually. Up in the Bay Area.”
“Oh, so you’re just trading rents like there’s no tomorrow. I get it. You’re a con-artist.”
“No, nothing like that, Carl, I’m going to go back to school.”
“What hair school?”
“No!” she was annoyed and snapped back with a reply, “a real school.”
“Well what school is that?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Good luck I suppose. I know you aren’t the innocent little girl you used to be. Fuck it, you know what you’re doing. Be happy,” Carl said and walked away.
Marin wasn’t sure at the point Carl was trying to make, but she didn’t care. Nothing would bring her down today. And nothing did.
The day came when Marin packed up all her small possessions—the few items she had decided to take with her: clothes, shoes, handbags and some books—and a small suitcase. Her room didn’t seem bare at all. Most everything would lay listless for a few months she thought. She didn’t need many things since she still had a room filled with necessities at her father’s home. Her belongings all fit nicely into her Honda. The trip wouldn’t be so bad—only about seven or either hours of emptiness driving north to San Francisco. There was one stop she had to make before leaving San Diego.
The bookstore was quiet for a Sunday morning. She walked around, searching the isles, but not for books. She thought he might be working on a Sunday morning, but she was wrong. He sat quietly in the love and relationships section reading, of all things, a book on pizza. Next to him sat the book on relationships. Was he trying to compare why relationships are like pizzas? It didn’t make any sense how anyone could actually correlate the two, and she was over it. Perhaps it made him feel better to know he’d found something within himself he’d never known existed by meeting her, and so trying to understand these books would help him understand her. These were all mere conjectures.
“I’m leaving now,” she said.
“You have a habit of sneaking up on people. You’re so tiny, you can do it,” he said, “so do you want a hug or something?”.
“No,” Marin said with a smile.
His face fell with sadness. He truly thought he’d never see her again. Suddenly, she threw her arms around him and said goodbye one last time. With that final embrace his heart turned to gold, as did their friendship. He was proven wrong in an instant. He knew he’d see her again. She walked out the door with him; her left arm hooked around his right as they crossed the parking lot. And then he let go. She got in her car and said, “I’ll be back.” With a look, she stared into him, smiled and then she drove off. It would be the last time William would see her in a long while, but she would come back. After all, she promised.
End.
