Today was a bad day. It’s been a bad week actually. My life at work ended with the signature on a single white piece of paper. To all the people that read this, friends, strangers, enemies, this chapter is closed.
She told me she was going to break his heart, but instead she broke mine.
Fitting line for a song about me. The song I wrote will remain unfinished. There’s no inspiration now. I realized something today… maybe she doesn’t want to be rescued. I stood there. Cold from the rain, shivering from fear, and thought this. Then walked away. I just can’t understand how my life got so bad from Sunday to Monday. Sunday I was with mom, having dinner. Explaining my situation. I have NEVER opened up to her about anything. She told me to do what I think is right. Of all the things my mother could have said, she told me to do it because it made me happy. Maybe she’s never seen me really happy? Maybe she’s not the bitter old woman I thought she was. Maybe she just loves her son, as mothers do love their children. I was raised by a single mom. She was the best mom ever. She did what was best for me.
So this chapter is closed, not by my hand, but by another. I can’t change anything, and I wouldn’t care to. I’m just sad there was no closure. No “Fuck you, Eddie.” I think I would have been happier with that then nothing. I sat around today at home thinking about what to do next.
That company isn’t going to run itself. So I decided I’m going back to work for myself. It’s what makes me happy. I will hire Liz because she wants to work with me. I also want Nicci. People I can trust. If they’re in the Square of Trust, then I want them. I want to run the show. I want my name to be back out there like when I was a young, arrogant hotshot in LA way back when–going to NYC, Chicago, anywhere I wanted. It was my lonely adventure. It seems like a faded memory now, but it’s me. I don’t ever not want to be myself. I’ve learned a lot in such a short period of time. I will never forget it. I will never forget you.
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