Women tend to hear what the want to hear.
Posts Tagged ‘love’
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Come on, now, I hear you’re feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again.
MFEO
Someone once told me, “I was nervous because I sometimes get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about you.” I thought that was the sweetest and loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me. I even wrote a song about it. Now I don’t know what to believe. I wish there was a sign to let me know things will be alright, but instead, I get the opposite which fuel my desire to move as far away from this place as possible. I’m going to just write a simple poem today for my friends:
I shake and tremble thinking of you
Your very presence I can feel from miles around
Oh the places we will see can only be fantasy now
The life we will live is merely hope in my dreams
I don’t know how you feel anymore,
I don’t know how you sleep anymore,
You broke me, you destroyed me like the others before
It could be my imagination, or I could just be disturbed
Letters unsent sit in my mailbox.
Letters received collect dust in the corner of my mind
All I know is I miss you fiercely
So I shake and tremble, and I’ll be thinking of you.
I’m not going to lie. I’m in love. This weekend, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. COULD NOT. I had a dream about vampires last night and she was in it. I am crazy. I’m going to have to move away to shake it. This shouldn’t be happening, but it is. I could just start poking girls on Facebook like Michelle suggests and see what happens. I could just go out and meet some more girls. That won’t solve anything. That’s no cure for love. Love is not a sickness. I wish I could embrace it.
At least I have family to help me. Kirsten’s kids are awesome. I spent Friday and Saturday with them. We watched Meet the Robinsons last night. It’s about a super smart orphan who longs to meet his real mother, yet is waiting to be adopted by a family. It’s cute. After the kids went to bed, KT and I watched Epic Movie. It was mediocre at best.
In the morning, we took the kids to their soccer game. It was fun. I was taking shots off the little one and trying to get the older one to focus on his dribbling. Controlling the ball is a big thing in soccer.
Kirsten and I got to talking about “control.” I was controlled by my mother most of my life, so I finally got a taste of freedom and loved it. She yelled at me yesterday (about my life and my future). I told her about what happened between me and the last one. She told me it was hard for her as a single mom. We always came first in her life. I hate to admit it, but she’s right. My child would always come first. I couldn’t image the personal sacrifice… but I understand. You gotta be able to stand up for yourself and be happy to move on. I can’t believe I’m still stuck, but I guess that’s love. Time is irrelevant.
We went to see Bee Movie today. It was pretty funny. Wacky, yet slightly odd. I feel like this is turning into a Live Journal post. I miss the kids already. I’m going to have kids some day. Just gotta seal the deal. I’m probably just holding on to false hope, but it’s the only hope I’ve got these days. At this point, I know it’s impossible. At least I have kids who look up to me and little minds to shape.
As stories must when love’s denied…
With tears and a journey.
I have been thinking a lot. Are you a “distance makes the heart grow fonder” person or “out of sight, out of mind” person? I’m obviously a romantic, so you can guess what I believe.
We played Texas Hold Em for a charity over the weekend. I’m not that good. I got murdered… by family none-the-less. $20 bucks to buy in and we win booze. Of course we had to bring the booze as well, and I lost pretty bad. I was the 3rd eliminated. She can read me like a book! Plus she kept getting aces, so I think she was cheating.
Because I’m going to be busy for a few days, I’ve decided to do easter eggs on this website for which you have to guess the password:
Easter Eggs are up. Easter Eggs are little surprises in things like DVDs, so I decided to make it for my comic. For the first Easter Egg, you’ll have to know the full name of the character that says my “favorite quote” in a movie that “Seals the Deal” (first name, last name, all lowercase, no spaces between first and last name). The Easter Egg will have pictures and stuff, and potentially another egg. How about that? An egg within an egg? It’s like that cartoon Garfield and Friends… when Sheldon finally hatched, there was just another egg.
Today was a bad day. It’s been a bad week actually. My life at work ended with the signature on a single white piece of paper. To all the people that read this, friends, strangers, enemies, this chapter is closed.
She told me she was going to break his heart, but instead she broke mine.
Fitting line for a song about me. The song I wrote will remain unfinished. There’s no inspiration now. I realized something today… maybe she doesn’t want to be rescued. I stood there. Cold from the rain, shivering from fear, and thought this. Then walked away. I just can’t understand how my life got so bad from Sunday to Monday. Sunday I was with mom, having dinner. Explaining my situation. I have NEVER opened up to her about anything. She told me to do what I think is right. Of all the things my mother could have said, she told me to do it because it made me happy. Maybe she’s never seen me really happy? Maybe she’s not the bitter old woman I thought she was. Maybe she just loves her son, as mothers do love their children. I was raised by a single mom. She was the best mom ever. She did what was best for me.
So this chapter is closed, not by my hand, but by another. I can’t change anything, and I wouldn’t care to. I’m just sad there was no closure. No “Fuck you, Eddie.” I think I would have been happier with that then nothing. I sat around today at home thinking about what to do next.
That company isn’t going to run itself. So I decided I’m going back to work for myself. It’s what makes me happy. I will hire Liz because she wants to work with me. I also want Nicci. People I can trust. If they’re in the Square of Trust, then I want them. I want to run the show. I want my name to be back out there like when I was a young, arrogant hotshot in LA way back when–going to NYC, Chicago, anywhere I wanted. It was my lonely adventure. It seems like a faded memory now, but it’s me. I don’t ever not want to be myself. I’ve learned a lot in such a short period of time. I will never forget it. I will never forget you.
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